Holy Shatner! It's been a year already! Thanks for all your support! Also, I quit.
Every photo should be tagged with "person posing awkwardly for photo".
"I wish I could stop shaking my booty." - Michael J. Fox
Warrior review:
A beautiful romantic comedy about a gay couple who overcome amazing odds to end up together in the end. No pun.
Sorry, I can't do shots of Jägermeister with you. I'm operating some heavy equipment after this. Yup, plowing the wife.
What do they call the "black market" in Africa?
Happy birthday, Dangerwife! I'm sorry your birthday is overshadowed by the birth of our lord and saviour Karl Rove.
White trash relocation project or a tornado?
Sure you are poor, but are you pube-flossing poor?
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of cattle prod in Michael Vick's hand.
When I looked down at my pants, I realized something, you can make lemons into lemonade, and you can make lemonade into pee.
Only 5 more shopping days to trample someone to death in the spirit of Christmas!
Your breastfeeding wife's boobs are big and beautiful, but don't try to grab one, it's booby-trapped.
I have never seen the movie Ghost, but I have seen the rotting corpse of Demi Moore, so that's about the same.
Tom Cruise married the skeleton in his closet.
Jesus died on the cross for you, tacky necklace maker.
The only reason there are pirates off the coast of Africa is because European nations went in and overfished the waters to the point that locals couldn't make a living. They also dumped tons of toxic waste in the waters, killing the aquatic ecosystem, and so the locals had no other choice but turn to piracy to survive. I think the analogy between that and stealing music on the internet is pretty obvious.
Canada pulled out of Kyoto, proving that pulling out really does stop harmful emissions.
Elvis lost the game of thrones.
2/3 of the human centipede hates korean tacos.
That albino polar bear is racist against everyone.
Beware the five legged elephant.
In January I'll be going on paternity leave… or is it maternity leave? Ok, dangerbaby is a boy so it's paternity leave. If he'd been a girl then it would be maternity leave. That's how it works, right?
So apparently Wyclef Jean stole 10 million dollars from the Haiti earthquake relief fund he started. I can't believe he would be in something that dirty. Besides Fergie, I mean.
Hangover 2 review:
Hangover 1 + a monkey! Winner!
When the cops caught the cocaine smuggler, he literally shit a brick. THAT IS WHAT "LITERALLY" MEANS. It means "without exaggeration". I'm saying that I actually dumped out a brick of cocaine… um, allegedly.
Go lawyers!!!
"Oh look at Mister Fancy-Pants, shopping at the dollar store like he doesn't have a care in the world!"
- Man in 1874
Boxing Day is a statutory holiday where I live. If you are unfamiliar with Boxing Day, it celebrates the one day a year men are legally allowed to punch their wives right in their junk.
Dangerwife does not like watching those incredible BBC Frozen Planet documentaries because they show "animals murdering each other".
Donald Trump vs Don King
Ridiculous hair: Donald Trump
Yelling everything for no reason: Don King
Love of gold: Donald Trump
Murdering: Don King
Integrity: [my brain just exploded]
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